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ACCIDENT STATEMENTS
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The following are actual statements found on insurance forms as the driver
attempts to summarize the details of the accident.
1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house
and collided with a tree I do not have.
2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of of its
intentions.
3. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my
head through it.
4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.
7. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the
embankment.
8. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
9. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As
I reached an intersection
a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision and I did
not see that other car.
10. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and
had an accident.
11. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing
me to have an accident.
12. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place no
stop sign had ever
appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to
avoid the accident.
13. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me I struck the
pedestrian.
14. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
15. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
16. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found
that I had a fractured
skull.
17. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him.
18. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
19. I saw a slow moving , sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the
roof of my car.
20. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.
SOME
FUNNY REMARKS FROM SPEEDERS
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1. Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph
to keep up with me! Good job.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector was unplugged.
3. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to
be a Police Officer. Excuse me.
is "stick up " hyphenated?
4. Hi Officer, would you mind holding my beer while I look for my
driver's license?
5. You know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high
school first.
6. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no
other car around, that's how far
I am behind the other cars.
7. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. Didn't I see you get your tail kicked on "COPS" last
week on TV?
9. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
10. So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
11. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave
me a warning too!
12. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
13. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with
your gun when you
were little.
14. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to
work at McDonald's?
DECOY
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During the big DUI Dragnet, A patrolman waited
outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time as
everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so
obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbles around the
parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car. After trying his
keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in his car
for a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on,
then off, wipers on then off. He started to pull forward into the grass,
then stopped. Finally when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the
road and started to drive away.
The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man
over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise,
the man blew a 0.00! The patrolman was dumbfounded! "This equipment
must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman. "I doubt it,"
said the drunk, "tonight I'm the Designated Decoy!"
LAWYERS SAY
THE DUMBEST THINGS
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From the Salt Lake Tribune
The following questions from Lawyers were taken from Official Court
Records
nationwide....
1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2. Now, Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
in most cases he just passes
quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until
the next morning?
3. Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I will have to kill
you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5. The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?
6. Were you alone or by yourself?
7. How long have you been a French Canadian?
8. Do you have children or anything of that kind?
9. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10. Were you present in the court this morning when you were sworn in?
11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by who's death was it terminated?
12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was
August 8?
A: Yes.
Q; What were you doing at the time?
13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you think you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed
suicide?
14. So were you gone until you returned?
15. Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: And were there any girls?
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