The Rookie
-----Author Unknown-----

AKA: Hotdog, Gopher, Young Warrior, Fresh Meat, Cherries. Technical Nomenclature: Wide Eyedicus Bushy Tailicus

1. Smiles incessantly at all the wrong times. Always assumes the Lieutenant is thrilled to see him. Expression on face is result of watching old Howdy Dowdy reruns.

2. Uniform so starched he can't bend at waist. Wears sufficient body armor to stop 105mm rounds. Holster is brand new and well oiled to allow quick drawing in mirrors.

3. Hairstyle: Neat and short. Can endure 60 mph winds.

4. Had eyes surgically enlarged during the academy to increase powers of observation. Must now sleep with eyes taped shut.

5. Shines whistle daily - loves to direct traffic.

6. Police badge numbers: 1550 or above.

7. Police helmet always nearby.

8. Matching silver pen and pencil set.

9. Salutes anyone with more seniority, including Explorer Scouts.

10. Carries touch-up paint to touch up nicks on PR-24.

11. Carries two or more sets of handcuffs, speedloaders, extra clips and extra shotgun shells.

12. Shotgun - never dirty, never dusty, never used! Cleaned daily.

13. Has yet to develop a sense of injustice.

14. Is thrilled to have his first full-time job. Can't believe someone gets paid for doing this.

15. Knows absolutely for sure he will never, ever, ever get divorced.

16. Carries a new Glock, a .380 back-up, and a .38 in an ankle holster on one leg, and a Gerber knife on the other.

17. Believes every word his FTO says is directly from God or the Chief.

18. Duffel bags contain: extra white out, all departmental policy books, complete set of criminal and traffic laws for the city, state and adjoining areas, riot gear, binoculars, backup flashlight, flex-cuffs, fingerprint kit, rain gear, shoe polish, brass polish, and a sack lunch.

19. Briefcase contains: Books like - "I'm OK, You're OK" (personally owned), "I'm OK, You're Scum" (borrowed from an FTO), "How to Marry Rich", "How to Fake Experience", Video-taped episodes of Miami Vice, Stress card and an assortment of candy bars and bubblegum.

20. Can't wait to catch his first criminal.